I had dinner with my grandmother last night after a lovely day of togetherness with my family. She, in the course of our conversation mentioned President Obama's visit to Guadalajara and mentioned off-handedly that she worried it was because of the violence that occurred there. For whatever reason, after months and months of strength and peace, I sat down from cutting a piece of raspberry pie and broke down in a torrent of tears. The fear, worry, feelings of loneliness and homesickness I feared...all of it came to the surface. After prayer with my mother, a good discussion with my father I felt at peace again. But Satan had struck a chord and took my largest fear, sleeplessness, and used it. I had an awful night's sleep and woke up with even more feelings of fear.
The first thing I did this morning was sit and read the book of James. A friend who taught in China for three years gave me the verses in chapter 4 that speak that how our lives are just a mist. What hit me was this 'If it is God's will, we will live to do this and that'. IF IT IS GOD's WILL. My life, my contentment, my peace, is dependent on my relationship with Christ and whether or not I am seeking His will. Whether or not I have my favorite coffee mug or bulletin board supplies are not what my contentment is based on. Contentment is not based on circumstances, but on how much I am seeking Christ. What a big, but critical thing to realize!
Today has been positive, because I am leaning on Christ. I have had peace, feel ready to get on the plane tomorrow and feel confident in the protection of my Heavenly Father. I am still hugging my family more often than usual. I feel a little out of sorts (though I think it may be partly because I ate three Activia this morning). But I'm gaining my contentment from Christ.
